So, first off, sorry I haven’t been writing as much lately. Between working full time, having a newborn and going to school full time, I’ve been slacking. Sometimes it feels like I’m juggling 5 balls when I’ve only practiced with 3. Doesn’t that sound fun!
Before anyone tells me to “hang in there” or “this is just a season,” know that I am completely and entirely in love with my life. Sure, sometimes it’s busy, but my daughter is a little miracle and has my endless love. Our families are kind and loving and supportive. My wife is a gem. We have a fantastic house (despite how dirty it is right now). God has blessed us mightily, and I find great rest and comfort and peace in knowing that He is in control of this. No matter how busy it is, I know He is good and faithful, and I have been finding myself focusing more on being grateful for all that he has done instead of toiling about the future.
Speaking of great joys, there is not a single thing more stunning than my baby smiling. This little trick started happening in the last week or so, and I can’t get enough. Her smiles are electric – they light up her entire face and whatever room she is in. She’s absolutely radiant, even at the ripe young age of 11 weeks.
I think part of the reasons that it’s so hard leaving her every morning for work is simply because nothing I can do will ever feel as important as being with my daughter and taking care of her. I want to be with her, help her learn, help her see the love of God and this amazing world he created for us. Splitting time between being with her and being at work is painful, but I know it’s a responsibility I have, and that in doing so, I’m doing what needs to be done to take care of her. But yes, it’s still hard. The difficulty that I face doesn’t even compare to the pain my wife feels when leaving her. There is a type of bond there that no man will understand, and it’s important to know that.
So the moral of today’s story is this – God has everything in control, and He is so awesome. I look at all the beauties in my life, all the blessings, and I’m overwhelmed by how good he is, with how he could so deeply love and pursue someone that falls so short of his glory. He is unlike any other.
Finding Fatherhood 
Great post! Baby smiles are the best! 🙂
I know what you mean about it being hard to head out to work when you’ve got a small child. I really felt this when I went back to work after paternity leave. I went from seeing our son almost all day every day to leaving when he was only just getting up (or still asleep) and arriving home when he was about to go to bed. Still, having that wonderful connection via a little smile is such as special thing as you say!