5 Ways My Daughter is Smarter Than Vegetables

You know, I never really paid much attention to vegetables until my daughter started eating solid foods. I have always liked them – I think they are delicious, they come in a tremendously wide variety of shapes and colors and flavors, and I have willingly ate them for pretty much my entire life. But now, I have a staunchly opinionated one year old on my hands, and she hates them. She hates all of them. Suddenly, one of the biggest points of emphasis in my life is how to shove those healthy things into my daughter’s face and, ideally, convince her to chew and even swallow some of them. My daughter has proven to be vastly superior to the vegetables and has outsmarted them at every turn. Here are five ways she has proven to be smarter than vegetables.

1. She picks around them. It’s quite amazing to watch this little person be so determined not to consume a single vegetable. We have put mass assortments of food on her tray, and somehow, she navigates that maze like a pro, eating every ounce of starch and protein, even fruit, without being fooled into the tiniest bite of chopped vegetable. Stinker.

2. She throws them off her tray. When she’s not in the mood to pick around them, she will straight up clear them out of her way. “Hey, broccoli, you’re in the way of my chicken. Get gone,” she mumbles in baby babble, chucking the broccoli into oblivion.

3. She swats them off the spoon. We’ve even resorted to trying to spoon feed her vegetables, but it’s like she knows it’s coming. She has given many-a-spoons the backhand to end all backhands, and she has no problem doing it.

4. She purses her lips in a “you shall not pass” sorta way. When the spoon doesn’t work, we have tried hand feeding her vegetables, hoping that if she could just get a little taste, maybe she’ll change her mind and realize that these delicious little morsels of health are not going to kill her. But no, she won’t possibly allow it. She’ll lock her mouth down tighter than a safe door, and there is no hope at pushing some health past it.

5. She screams. A lot. If you are foolish enough to keep pushing at this point, she unleashes a scream that is so opinionated, so shrill and sharp that you are completely demoralized and begin to question your very existence. You have failed, and there is nothing you can do about it, except try it all over again tomorrow.

My daughter really, really hates vegetables.